mistakes... /:

so yea I've made some mistakes and some people judge me based on those mistakes i have also accidentally pushed some people out of my life that i didn't want to push out some i wish i could start over again but as they say time changes people and unfortunately i wasn't there to catch the change or change with them i wasn't there to comfort them when they needed comforted i essentially walked out of there life without any explanation only to come back and try and reestablish things that more then likely couldn't be reestablished i had essentially broken someone down only to let them be brought up and broken by another person but either what that person doesn't know or just doesn't want to or cant realize or does and it hurts to look back is that i still care about them and would do just about anything in my power to try and make up for that time they waited for something from me and got nothing only for an awkward return out of nowhere and expected everything to kinda just go back to the way it was knowing time changes people and you have to be there to know when and how they changed but no matter how much i know that and accept it i cant accept how badly i hurt that person and how after a while essentially pushed me out of their life... i will never be able to tell them how badly i feel and how responsible for the hurt and pain they felt its something i will probably go to my grave with even knowing she doesnt want anything to do with me i still think about it and how badly i hurt her. i sometimes wish it didnt go down the way it did the boyfriend she got left her on bad terms which i think is another reason she decided to cut me out as well tho sometimes i just hope i will be able one day be able to let her know how badly i feel for everything and how i feel responsible for the things that have happened to her but i guess i will have to suffice with a blog that hardly anyone reads let alone know about .-.

OK so again more random hits some random places but i doubt this will ever go anywhere other then a place for me to vent my own thoughts but hey who knows maybe just maybe it will but only time will tell but its been oh goodness look almost 2 years since my last post lol i am terrible at keeping up with this but lets do a recap of the past 2 years since i last posted Sept 2012 lets see i essentially blew 56 grand moved out of a college setting dorm and in with my brothers I'm contemplating helping a friend lower rent by moving in with him and his gf but i am also thinking about moving up closer to my reservation and try and be closer to my heritage but since there isn't much of transportation up there i may actually have to get my drivers licence and car which honestly scares the heck outta me but sometimes you gotta face your fears and do it anyways hey look at my brothers gf sandy she drives :p tho i doubt she ever looks at this anymore but meh well maybe ill try and do a weekly recap thing idk thoughts what i did and plans maybe? but again who really reads this? possibly just a place to vent?